So, another girl at my office got engaged. I was in the elevator and someone exclaimed, “Everyone in here is engaged!” All the girls laughed. And I cried. Only a little.

To punish myself further I went on adiamondisforever.com to design my own (faux) engagement ring. Before getting started the site asked if I would like to participate in a short survey. Of course I accepted. I’ve got a bag of kettle corn in my lap and Amy Winehouse is playing on my iTunes. I’m not going anywhere. Little did I know that the survey would add salt to my exposed wounds.

First question – “What is your age?” Christ, I can’t believe I have to check off the 25-34 age bracket. Feeling older every day. Feeling a little depressed.

Next question – “When do you plan to buy/receive your next piece of diamond jewelry?” How come 5-10 years isn’t a choice? I guess I’ll check off ‘just looking.’ Ugh.

Next – “What is your current marital status?” The choices are married, never married, divorced or widowed. Clicking “never married” makes me feel like there’s no hope. So I clicked “married.” I feel a little better. But now I’m a liar. And a loser. 

Last question – “What size diamond do you think is most appropriate for your next diamond purchase is gift?” I click “more than 1 carat” faster than I’ve finished this bag of kettle corn.

After the painful survey. I created an engagement ring with a two karat emerald size center stone set on a platinum band. I e-mailed it to my boyfriend. Maybe he’ll get the hint.

There are some fashion items men should reconsider before walking out the door. Some of these things could really amp up  your douche level anywhere between Affliction and Ed Hardy (we’ll get to this super category later!). If you’re really my friend you’ll throw the following away:

Sleeveless Tees

Sleeveless tees are such a turnoff! What, did you forget your sleeves at home? Did you lose them? Where did they go? These arm bearing tops are really gay, even if you are ripped. I’ll even go as far to say that these are unacceptable in the gym. I don’t care if you want to show off your really cool tats, like the barbed wire around your bicep. This is a big fashion don’t! So please, find your sleeves and reattach. 

Chain Wallets

No one hates a chain wallet more than I do. It’s not 1998 anymore, and I’m pretty sure they stopped producing JNCO. Chain wallets make you look as hard as a barbed wire tattoo (see above). 

Sunglass Cords

Unless you’re about to go on a dangerous and torrential boat ride, sunglass cords are completely unnecessary. I promise you won’t lose your Maui Jims walking to class.

Graphic Tees

Graphic tees from brands like Affliction and Ed Hardy were all the rage last year. Thankfully, this trend is slowly dying. But it’s not dying fast enough. No intelligent woman is going to hit on you if your shirt has skulls, roses and rhinestones. It just won’t happen. This Ed Hardy brief is also disgusting (I don’t understand what “C” size is).

That’s all for now. Please keep these fashion don’ts off the streets and away from innocent children.

“Dear Diary,

I had a really awesome day today! Matt looked at me in the hallway and I swear he smiled at me. I had a dream the other night that he asked me on a date to see the Truman Show! I can’t wait for the weekend because I’m sleeping over at Lindsay’s house and we’re going to prank call Jonathan. It’s going to be so fresh.

Peace out,

Andrea”

Gross. But I promise you that my blog will not be full of awkwardness. I will write about what I like and know: fashion, celebrity gossip, relationships and friendships. So if you like these subjects feel free to visit my blog.

Enjoy and thanks for stopping by